Ode Tae A Fart

Ode Tae A Fart

Writen in the style of Robert Burns: Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie Lurks in your belly efter the feastie Just as ye sit doon among yer kin There sterts to stir an enormous wind The neeps and tatties and mushy peas Stert workin like a gentle breeze But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face Will have ye blawin all ower the place Nae matter whit the hell ye dae A'body's gonnae hiv tae pay Even if ye try tae stifle It's like a bullet oot a rifle Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair Tae try and stop the leakin air Shifty yersel fae cheek tae cheek Prae tae God it doesnae reek But aw yer efforts go assunder Oot it comes like a clap o thunder Ricochets aroon the room Michty me a sonic boom God almighty it fairly reeks Hope I huvnae shit my breeks Tae the bog I better scurry Aw whit the hell it's no ma worry A'body roon aboot me chokin Wan or two are nearly bokin I'll feel better for a while Cannae help but raise a smile Wiz him! I shout with accusin glower Alas too late, he's just keeled ower Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare A dinnae feel welcome any mair Where e'ere ye go let yer wind gan' free Sounds like just the job fur me Whit a fuss at rabbie's party Ower the sake o one wee farty