Toilet humour.

For reasons I will not divulge I attended a Labour party conference many moons ago in Perth City Hall. The only highlight was lunch time in the Kirkside pub.

However the reason for my blogging this, is that I cannot help but associate Labour with latrines. During one particular debate an overwhelming urge came upon me to visit the toilet, which as a security cleared person there I had access to the backstage loo. I rushed in, ungirding my loins as I made it just in time to the seat and performed what could only be described as a biblical discharge. Not trusting my innards to allow me to depart I remained seated and pensive, until to my horror an even more biblical discharge was detected from the cubicle next door. Whether my efforts had encouraged him in his endeavour or not I was not sure, perhaps he was challenging me. His rumblings became more dramatic with an accompaniment from his vocal chords, the sound was quite distressing, and had me wishing that I was somewhere else. But worse was to come. The most appalling stench came wafting under the cubicle, I have never encountered such putridness before or since, and that from a lad that was reared on a farm.

As soon as it felt safe to do so I brought matters to a close and making my self decent ejected myself towards the sinks and proceeded to wash my hands and face as I had become quite clammy and sweaty. The boring debate had ended and the door swung open to let in some more back room people who immediately put there hands over there noses and looked at me. At this point I was forced to make it very clear that the cause of the appalling stench was not me. Thankfully the cistern of the offending cubicle was flushed and the door flung open and out tumbled a very bedraggled and flushed looking MICHAEL FOOT, who immediately apologised and blustered out of the door without even washing his hands. I was highly amused to see him shaking hands later on with Mick Mc Gahey and Eric Clark of the NUM.